Fences

  Photo Credit: Darious Smith

Photo Credit: Darious Smith

I’m coming out of one of the darkest seasons I have ever been through, especially in the realm of emotions. I have felt betrayal, confusion, disappointment, grief, and many other emotions at a level that I have never experienced before. Call me lucky I guess. I was mad, like really mad. On a positive note, I am a different person now because of these circumstances that had me down for so long. I had to take a step back and work through my emotions in order to move forward with life. As I have mentioned in past posts, when something is wrong with me or the ones around me I act as a healer, frantically trying to fix it. This situation was no different. Through my distress, I found a few things that always helped when I felt that I was at my wits’ end. So without further ado, here are my remedies.

 

  • Allow yourself to feel emotion. Don’t beat up yourself for feeling mad, sad, or frustrated with those who you feel may have wronged you or at the situation in general. It’s important to address the feelings that you’re experiencing and work through them. For me personally if I allow these heavy feelings to dominate my every day life and stay suppressed inside of me, then I tend to transfer everything that I have bottled into reactions that are careless, harsh, and the least effective route that i could have taken. On the other hand, if I allow myself to just be human and mentally confront everything I’m feeling, I can develop a plan of action that will lead to healthy tactics aimed at more appropriate reactions, and an overall better daily life experience while going through the trials.

 

  • Cling to those you love. Just because you’re having a tough time with someone who you may love and be very close to, doesn’t mean that you have no one else to turn to. Dive into the other relationships in your life. Friends, family, a significant other, can make the days and nights so much better. Talk to them, open up about what you’re going through. Even ask them to point out the other side of the situation for you, and ask advice on how you can make it better. Take advantage of the overall human uniqueness we all have. By listening to another person’s point of view, you can bring more progress to the healing process, and get more advice on how to make it better. Furthermore, when I’m around those I love and care for the emotions I’m feeling, and the mountains I’m facing all seem to disappear for a little while. Allow their smiles and their care and love for you to fill you, and focus on that for as long as possible. Soak in their joy. 

 

  • Take time to cool off. For me, when I feel hurt, neglected, or betrayed in any way, I have to step back for a while. It’s not running away, and it doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It is a very mature thing to do when you’re mad, and/or feeling conflicted. This is always my first step. I distance myself from the person(s), or situation that has me so upset. Once I take that step back, I can begin to heal by engaging in the other things on this list, but until I remove myself from the situation, thinking clearly is not an option. Take time to get away from it all for as long as you need, and in the mean time start with the first item on this list. Trust me.

 

  • Express your emotions. Something I’ve found as I get older, and I don’t necessarily like it, is that communication is the secret to so many puzzles in life. Once I get to a point of utter anger, I begin to find the courage to express my emotions to the ones who I feel have wronged me. However, that doesn’t mean that I want to. If it was up to me, they would be able to reach into my mind and read just the parts of my thoughts that pertain to them, meaning that I would indeed not have to engage in any sort of confrontation. When I get mad, I’m unfortunately very sarcastic and my temper has a mind of it’s own. Hey we’ve all got things to work on, but once that anger cools I move the energy that was feeding it to communication, in an effort to create some sort of solution. Now, I will add a disclaimer for this bullet point: it is full of contingencies, and many steps in order for it to be successful. So here we go:
  1. Make sure you are actually cooled off, and not just ready for an argument.
  2. Come humbly. There’s a way to express your side, and the bad hand that you feel someone dealt you, without sounding like you’re the only one who’s right, and the other person is the only one in the wrong. As hard as it may be, remember how much you care for this person, and try to remember that you do not want to regret anything in the future, or hurt that person. Never stoop. 
  3. If needed, make a list of what you want to say. If you’re anything like me, once you get into a situation of having to express your emotions and your side of things, you get sidetracked easily. In order to have a successful conversation in a not so pleasant situation or environment, I have to write down everything I’m feeling while I’m in a calm and sound state of mind. If not, I will not get everything out that I feel needs to be said, nor will I remain calm.
  4. Listen. They gave you the time to say what you needed to say, so make sure you listen to how they’re feeling. Remember how hard it was for you to express yourself to them? They probably feel the same way. Also, no progress is made from a one-way conversation. 
  • Remember that their are two sides to every story. No situation between no two people is exactly the same, but one thing that is for sure is that everyone has their own view. As upset as you may be, you never know what the other person is feeling unless they express that to you. They may feel just as upset and wronged as you are. Even the nicest of people aren’t perfect, everyone makes mistakes at some point whether it be in there actions or reactions.

 

  • Creative outlet/music. Music is beautiful. Not just in the way that it sounds, but in the way that it can free you by helping you work through emotions and come out of a dark cloud. There are certain songs that I run to when I am feeling low, or wronged, or angry. I also love to play instruments such as piano and violin. It’s musical therapy. However, you don’t have to be musically inclined or a lover of music to have a creative outlet. You can choose anything. Whatever suits you. I also obviously love to write, and it frees me every time. I have friends who love photography, and videography. Creativity can act as a constant that follows you through all of life’s many twists and turns.  

 

Please do not fight through things alone. Seek help from those you love, and even professional help if needed. Life and it’s trials are meant to be fought together.

 

 

Love Always,

Tiffany

Tiffany PinsonComment